Exclusive: Wayne Brady Reveals Pansexuality – Update

Deep into a Malibu canyon, up switchback roads and overlooking a creek, is Wayne Brady’s house. With a view of the Pacific, a creek, and not much else, save for tall gates, it’s a fortress of solitude. “It’s a great place to think,” Brady, 51, says. 

And he has been doing plenty of that. Brady — known as much for his deft comic timing as his fully loaded smile — is ready to tell the world how he identifies: “I am pansexual,” he says, meaning that he is attracted to persons regardless of their sex or gender.

Brady puts it another way: “Bisexual — with an open mind!” he says with a chuckle. 

Today the house is bustling with activity. The Let’s Make a Deal host’s daughter, Maile, 20, and ex-wife Mandie Taketa, 47, are on hand. Taketa was the first person Brady came out to. “I just said, ‘Great.’ As I knew coming out would help him be happier,” she says.

Maile’s response to Brady was mostly a shrug. “I just said, ‘Okay,’” she remembers, breaking into a big, proud smile.

Also scattered around the house: a camera crew. Brady, Maile, and Taketa — along with Taketa’s partner Jason Fordham — are filming a reality series about their blended family, set to premiere on Hulu next year. Taketa and Fordham welcomed a new baby in 2021, and Brady is considered a co-parent. 

There’s a lot going on, but Brady finds a quiet corner of the home and sits down. He takes a deep breath, leans back into the sofa and opens up to PEOPLE. Below is Brady’s story in his own words.

I’m pansexual.

In doing my research, both with myself and just with the world, I couldn’t say if I was bisexual, because I had to really see what that was, especially because I really have not gotten a chance to act on anything. So, I came to pansexual because — and I know that I’m completely messing up the dictionary meaning — but to me, pan means being able to be attracted to anyone who identifies as gay, straight, bi, transsexual or non-binary. Being able to be attracted across the board. And, I think, at least for me for right now, that is the proper place. I took pan to mean that not only can I be attracted to any of these people or types physically, but I could be attracted to the person that is there.

 People think they really know me. That has its advantages and disadvantages. 

Like with any blessing, I’m like, “How cool.” It’s cool that people like me, especially doing a show, like Let’s Make a Deal, or when various companies or networks think, “I want Wayne Brady to host this,” what a blessing! What a blessing to be in people’s homes every day and connect with them. I love that piece of it. But there are days that I’m not a fan of it. Because, really, I’m an actor. I don’t want to lead personality-first. 

There’s a reason why I live in a canyon in Malibu and not in the middle of Hollywood. I’m an introvert. Shy. I always have been. I had a very thick stutter at one point during my childhood, growing up in Orlando, brought on by anxiety and bullying and stress. I couldn’t communicate the way that I wanted to until I started acting, singing and performing.

As characters. I was Tigger and Goofy and a Toy Soldier in the Disney Christmas parade. I loved that because you see the work. You don’t necessarily see me. I love bringing joy, which is why I love being a character: if I can do that as a character, so maybe the character is Wayne Brady. There’s a lot of therapy that I’m doing right now. I wish I didn’t care what people think of me, but the fact of the matter is, I do care. It’s a weird dichotomy, going from a screaming audience to sitting in a house, just chilling all by yourself.

Robin Williams’ death in 2014 really impacted me — and set me on my path to self-discovery. 

After Robin’s death, I got involved in certain groups, like Glenn Close’s group, Bring Change to Mind, being very vocal about mental health. And not just the buzzword of mental health, but really what do I have to do to function in this big world and still be okay with yourself and more importantly, to love yourself so that you don’t hurt yourself? Not even just physically hurting yourself, but not taking care of yourself because you are depressed and frightened and weighed down.

Once I opened that door to myself though, I had to start learning about myself, and I had to start owning up to things that maybe I’d either repressed, suppressed, or just didn’t wanna deal with. I’ve done a lot of work on a lot of other things until now, one of the last things on that checklist was, what’s one of the last things that you need to be really happy and to be truly, authentically yourself? I gave joy at work.  But the pity is then I come home, and I don’t have that joy. I have joy because I love my daughter and I love my family. I love being a dad more than chocolate ice cream. But that can’t be my only joy. I have to love myself. And that’s when I realized that I had a problem because if I can spend everything on stage and on camera but then I come home and there is a love deficit, what is going on? That was my rock bottom. 

I was never suicidal, but I have empathy for those who face those thoughts. 

I understand it now. I got to a point where I thought, “I’m not here, then whatever this pain is, whatever this loneliness is, this soul-crushing loneliness, I could stop it. I could be absolutely pain-free of whatever this is inside of me.” And when I felt that, I went, “Oh, s–t. Okay. let’s get to the bottom of it. Let’s do it now.” 

I did all the therapy I could do. I was treated for love addiction. It’s a part of my journey. I had to start examining why I was looking for myself and happiness in a slew of people. If I marry this person, then everything will be fine. If I date this person, everything will be fine. I’ll be good. I’ll be fixed. That is obviously a problem. And so, in doing that work, I now know absolutely that love addiction is borne of trauma. I can’t feel any shame around that, just like I wouldn’t shame somebody if they said they were addicted to meth or cocaine. That’s a sickness.

What am I looking for in these people that I can’t find in myself? And then leaving a wake of people and never being satisfied and then going back to being lonely. Fast forward to recently asking myself the question: “Wayne, um, are you gay?” And the answer was no because despite having been in all of these unsuccessful relationships and now dealing with what I know can be diagnosed as love addiction, I started to go, “Okay, I’m feeling something, but I just don’t know how to get there.” And then I felt like a fraud.

I’ve been attracted to men at times in my life. But I have never dated a man.

Let’s be really honest: I’ve also been attracted to certain men in my life, but I’ve always pushed that aside because of how I was raised, and because I live in today’s world, and it’s scary as s–t. What’s the fastest way to hurt another man? I’m gonna call you out of your name. I’m gonna call you gay. I’m gonna emasculate you. I’m gonna use the F-word. I learned that very early from the people around me, they’re like, “Oh, so those are bad things? Yeah. You, you don’t wanna be that.” 

So, what does it mean if I feel something? I don’t think I’m gay, but what if I feel something for another [man]… That’s still gay. I was already bullied about a bunch of other s–t. I didn’t wanna add a top hat on top of that suit.

I’ve dealt with the shame.

A shame cake, just eating it every single day — and then worried about… people finding out. I’ve always had a wonderful community of friends who are in the LGBTQ+ community, people that I’ve grown up with in shows, gays and lesbians, and, later in life, my trans relatives and my niece. I’ve always had that community, but I’ve always felt like a sham because I wasn’t being forthcoming with myself. I could speak out about Black issues because I can’t hide that. And you can play at being an ally, but until the day that you can truly say, “This is who I am, and I wanna stand next to you,” that’s not… I always wanted that day to come.

I’ve told myself in the past, also, nobody needs to know my personal business. The world can absolutely go without knowing that Wayne identifies as pan. But that gave me license to still live in the shadows and to be secretive. What does that feel like to actually not be shameful, to not feel like, “Oh, I can’t be part of this conversation because I’m lying?” I had to break that behavior. 

I’m now trying to be the most Wayne Brady I can be. 

I don’t know about most, actually. I’m still coming together. But If I’m healthy, then I can go onstage at Let’s Make A Deal and be the best Wayne Brady that everybody wants and expects. I can be the best dad that Maile needs. I can be the best friend to Mandie, the best son to my mother, and one day, the best partner to someone, because I’m doing this for me. Not dating yet though! [Laughs] I am single, but it’s not about being with someone right now. I’ve got some work to do still. Then, Wayne as a single, open-minded pansexual can make a decision and be free and open to other people.